Here and Alive
by forestwife
Summary: TenRose. Set after TCI. Sort of sequel to 'I Burned Instead'. Rose’s POV. All Rose can remember about the gamestation is gold light and the sound of singing and she wants to know the truth about what happened. Not a very good summary, Please R&R!


This is sort of a companion piece to I Burned Instead. You don't really have to have read that to understand this, all you need to know is that Jackie knows all about the Doctor's regeneration.

This story is dedicated to Scout Girl, who asked for a sequel to I Burned Instead.

Enjoy!

Here and Alive

It had been a week and a bit since Christmas and the Sycorax invasion. New Year had also come and gone, the Doctor had fully recovered, and Rose knew that he was getting itchy feet.

She knew that he was dying (though she hoped not literally) to get out of London 2006 and go back to exploring the stars. She knew this, not only because she knew the Doctor, but because she was starting to feel that way herself.

So, that day, Rose and the Doctor bade farewell to Jackie and Mickey and returned to the TARDIS. The minute they stepped inside, the lights in the TARDIS brightened, and the room was filled with warmth that wasn't only physical. It was clear that the TARDIS was as pleased that they were back as they were to _be_ back.

As he set the coordinates, Rose watched the Doctor. He was so different to how he used to be, and yet he was somehow the same. That sounded ridiculous even in her head, how could he be the same but different? And yet at the same time, she knew what she meant.

The Doctor was different in so many ways to how he'd been before, both in appearance and personality. The old Doctor had been manic and yet brooding and tortured at the same time, with big ears, a big nose, an angular face and a leather jacket. But with this Doctor, all of that was gone, even the leather jacket. She felt guilty, as if she were betraying the old Doctor, to find that she was noticing how much better looking the Doctor was now. He was looked younger and more athletic, with big brown eyes and messy brown hair that made her want to rake her hands through it. But his appearance wasn't the only difference. He was much more cheerful now, and spent a lot less time brooding on the past.

At the same time, the Doctor was exactly the same. He was still prone to occasional bouts of brooding, or the odd tortured look. He still held her hand when they ran, and somehow made her feel like the most important person in the universe. He still loved travelling around. And he still liked bananas.

But there was something else bothering Rose, aside from the Doctor's regeneration. Ever since the game station, she'd been having the strangest dreams.

Every night, she dreamt the same thing: Golden light, surrounding her, blinding her, burning her. Beautiful singing, telling her this was what she wanted, this is what she asked for. Sometimes she would hear a disjointed phrase: _"You're gonna burn!" "Every single atom of your existence, and I divide them." "I- WILL- NOT- DIE!" "I bring life." "But that's what I see." "My head!" "I think you need a Doctor."_

Sometimes the voice speaking was her own and yet different, strange and echoey, sometimes it was the Doctor's old northern accent, but sometimes it was it was the screaming of the Daleks.

Rose hadn't mentioned any of these dreams to the Doctor. She didn't want him to worry. But she was starting to get very curious as to what really happened on the game station.

She hadn't believed the Doctor when he'd said he 'sang a song and the Daleks ran away', but she hadn't had time to ask him what really happened before he'd regenerated in front of her.

She'd tried her hardest to remember what had happened. Her last clear memory was of being in the TARDIS, Mickey in a tow truck trying to pull open the console of the TARDIS, and then the light, and the singing. Rose groaned in frustration, why couldn't she remember?

Still watching the Doctor, she made up her mind. She had to ask him.

"Doctor?" she asked, "I was wondering—" she paused.

"Well spit it out Rose. What is it?" the Doctor asked lightly.

Rose took a deep breath, "I was wondering. What really happened on the game station? I can't remember, and I just—wanted to know…"

The smile was gone from the Doctor's face now. But he didn't look angry, just serious. "Are you sure you really want to know?"

Rose nodded.

"Ok then," he beckoned to her, and sat down on the seat.

When she sat down next to him, he put his fingers to her temples, and at her confused look, he said, "It's probably better if I show you."

Rose suddenly felt a connection with the Doctor; she knew his thoughts and his feelings, and she could hear him calling her, inside her mind. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she found she wasn't in the TARDIS anymore. She could see a door in front of her, which swung open.

She walked through the door, and saw the Doctor, wearing his usual suit and trench coat, standing waiting for her.

She hurried over to him, "Doctor, where are we?"

"You are in my mind Rose Tyler." He said.

"This—is you mind?" she asked, looking around at her surroundings. She was in the strangest sort of room. It was a dark circular room, but the walls didn't seem to be fixed, or maybe they weren't solid.

Above her and around her, she could see star constellations, galaxies and planets swirling around, with beautiful colours and lights. Sometimes they looked like they were on a map, all labelled in the Doctor's strange circular language. But they would fluctuate between that, and looking real. It was like standing out in space, the galaxies moving around you.

"Yes, but you didn't ask to see this, did you? You wanted to know about the game station."

Instantly, the stars and planets were gone, and their images were replaced by the game station. Rose looked around her. She wasn't at the game station as such, it was more like being at the cinema, where the film was being projected into all the walls.

On the wall, she could see dozens of Daleks all gliding into floor 500. She instinctively reached for the Doctor's hand, and gripped it tightly. But where was the Doctor on the screen? All she could see was the Daleks, and the empty space where the TARDIS was supposed to be.

The penny dropped. This was the Doctor's memory, so it was all going to be from his point of view. She was looking through his eyes, seeing what he saw.

She watched, tears in her eyes, listening to the emperor Dalek goading the Doctor, calling him a coward. And listening to the Doctor agreeing with him.

Rose risked a glanced at her current Doctor, wondering how this was affecting him. But his face was like a blank slate, not giving anything away.

Suddenly, the whole room went black. She tensed, wondering what was going on. The hand holding hers gave it a reassuring squeeze, and the Doctor whispered. "I closed my eyes."

Then she heard it. The roaring of the TARDIS engines as it materialised. The images returned to the screen, and Rose saw golden light flooding from the TARDIS. Standing in the light was a figure, a golden figure with gold hair and gold eyes. It was her!

She heard the old Doctor's familiar northern accent saying, _"You looked into the Time Vortex. Rose no one's meant to see that!"_

Rose frowned, she remembered the Doctor telling her that that's what _he_ did… and it killed him, so…

However, her thoughts were distracted by a Dalek screaming, _"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"_

She watched in amazement as her past self caught the ray in the palm of her hand. Since when could she do that?! The beam of light retracted back into the Dalek, and her past self said, _"I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words… I scatter them in time and space. A message to lead myself here."_ So _that's_ where the words had come from.

Again, she heard the Doctor's voice, and he sounded terrified. But when was the Doctor ever terrified? _"Rose, you've got to stop this! You've got to stop this now! You've got the entire vortex running through your head. You're gonna burn!"_ Rose listened, and wondered. Why hadn't she burned?

She held tightly onto her Doctor's hand, and listened to the rest of the conversation, watching herself surrounded by light.

_I want you safe. My Doctor. Protected from the false god._

_YOU CAN-NOT HURT ME. I AM IM-MORT-AL._

_You are tiny. I can see the whole of time and space. Every single atom of your existence, and I divide them. Everything must come to dust. All things. Everything dies. The Time War ends._

_I WILL NOT DIE! I CAN-NOT DIE!_

She watched in shock as the Daleks turned to dust, by her hand. She'd saved the Doctor, and ended the Time War…

_Rose, you've done it, now stop. Just let go._

_How can I let go of this? I bring life._

_But this is wrong! You can't control life and death!_

_But I can. The sun and the moon. The day and night. But why do they hurt?_

_The power's gonna kill you. And it's my fault!_

_I can see everything. All that is. All that was. All that ever could be._

_That's what I see. All the time. And doesn't it drive you mad?_

But then her past self's face creased with pain, and she said, "_My head._"

_Come here._

_It's killing me._

_I think you need a Doctor._

Rose watched in amazement as the old Doctor pulled her into a kiss. And when he'd opened his eyes again, everything was tinged with gold. He laid her carefully on the floor, and stood up again. Then there was a huge cloud of gold light swirling from the Doctor into the TARDIS, and Rose knew what the Doctor had done. He'd taken the time vortex from her. It would've killed her, burned her from the inside out. But he'd taken it from her, and he burned instead. He'd _died_ for her.

She always known that he'd do anything for her, but somehow she'd never thought that he would _actually _die for her. Just as she'd always known he cared about her. But she'd never known that he cared _this_ much about her, and maybe even loved her.

The memory ended and Rose looked at the Doctor, who said to her, "Are you ready?"

Before she could ask what he meant, she felt herself torn from him. She saw him turn away, alone again. The door closed behind her, shutting her out. And then she was back in the TARDIS, the Doctor taking his fingers away from her temples.

She looked into his brown eyes and said, "You died because of me."

The Doctor took her hand, and held it. Then he looked straight at her and said, "Rose, you saved my life. Even I can't couldn't have come back if the Daleks had exterminated me. And you were dying because of what you did to save me. I couldn't let you do that."

Rose opened her mouth to say something, but he interrupted her, "And before you start blaming yourself, let me say this… DON'T! If I hadn't done what I did, you'd have been dead and gone. But I did, and I regenerated, and still here! So I saw that as the best option. Both of us. Here and alive."

Rose didn't say anything. Instead she threw her arms around the Doctor, _her_ Doctor, and said, "Thank you."

As she'd expected, the Doctor returned her hug. But what she hadn't bee expecting was for him to chuckle and say, "that's almost exactly what your mother said."

Rose knew she should be annoyed with him for telling her mother before telling her. But she couldn't quite bring herself to be. Right now, she was just relieved that she was alive, and that he was able to regenerate, or she could've lost him forever. She'd get him back for the telling her mother thing tomorrow.

THE END

Whew… finished! Hope everyone liked that. I know it ended quite quickly, and the ending seemed a bit rushed, but I was running out of inspiration (my muse is still on strike).

Please review!


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